Things Dogs Must Try To Remember...
Being a dog isn't as easy as it sounds!There are rules concerning food:
1. I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
2. I will not beg for food at the supper table, and especially not eat someone's food if they leave it for just a moment.
3. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard or house depending on which end processes them first.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. And most importantly, "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
Rules about protecting our lives and property:
1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff even though I haven't gotten the chance to rip the bag to shreds to see what was in it.
2. If Mom let them in the house, they are not burglars. I do not need to maul them.
3. My family is not deaf. Howling at sirens is not required.
4. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
5. Again, most importantly, I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
Rules about hygeine:1. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
2. I will not throw up in the car.
3. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up or have an accident.
4. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
5. The toilet is NOT my water bowl.
6. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
7. And especially, I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
Rules about living in a house:
1. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
2. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
3. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
4. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
5. I will not take whatever I please and hide it under the bed so my people can have a scavenger hunt looking for it.
6. I will not stand around Mom when she is cooking or when she is carrying her coffee, so she won't trip over me.
7. I will not tear up the patio furniture, or put holes in the screen so I may jump in and lounge, just because I don't want to stay outside for more than two minutes.
8. I will not chase the cat and knock over breakable things in the process.
And rules about not REALLY upsetting the humans!1. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
2. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
3. I will allow Mom and Dad some room and covers when we go to bed.
4. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
5. I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose on her bottom.
6. I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
