Cats
All cat posts will appear here, in order to create a clickable category. Oldest posts will appear at the top. Scroll down to see newer posts.September 2007
1. The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its bowl.
2. Animals that live inside (hamsters and fish) stay inside, and animals from
outside (frogs and lizards) stay outside. I am not allowed to set the hamster
free in exchange for placing a frog in the fish bowl.
3. The gerbils like to sleep once in a while. I will not watch them constantly.
4. If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay there
until I get hungry.
5. Birds do not come from the bird feeder, so I must not knock it down and try
to open it up to get the birds out.
6. The two very large dogs in the backyard have lived there for several years. I should not scream that I have just discovered the Demon Horror of the Underworld every time I see one of them through the window.
7. I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.
1. Screaming at the cat food will not make it open itself.
2. The cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by swatting bits of it
all over the floor.
3. I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.
4. It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it all
dissolves in the boiling coffee.
5. If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a piece.
She will notice if I start eating it from the other end.
6. My human is capable of cooking without my help.
1. I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at
nothing right after my human has finished watching "The X-Files".
2. I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare
into her eyes until she wakes up.
3. The other cats and I will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding
Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any humans' bed while they are trying to sleep.
4. A warm pepperoni pizza is not a good place for a nap.
1. I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase
leaves.
2. When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not
necessary to check every door.
3. If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
4. No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human's earrings are not cat
toys.
5. If I play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in
groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true.
6. I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and
screaming at it will not bring it any closer.
7. I will not complain that my bottom is wet and that I am thirsty after sitting
in my water bowl.
8. If I must give a present to my humans's guests, my toy mouse is much more
socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.
9. I will not soak my catnip toy in the water bowl to make tea. I will not sit there drinking my tea and become intoxicated and knead the floor afterwards. I will not then get delusions of grandeur and make tea in the toilet bowl or the tub. And I will not try to make tea with used socks, worn underwear, or hair scrunches when my humans take the catnip toy away from me.
10. I should not try to jump into my human's lap while she is sitting on the toilet.
